Reinvention, Change and Conflict Management: The Trilogy

In the last newsletter article about the trilogy of reinvention, change and conflict management, we talked about how the important process of periodic reinvention often leads to a need for change within an organization. And the prospect of change raises issues and concerns that need to be dealt with effectively—hence change management—and often to disagreements about how best to proceed. Disagreements can flare into conflict, and resolving these conflicts is the third topic we cover in this block of the Advanced Leadership Program.

Having helped put the material we use for this block together, I find that I have become sensitized to look for anything that has anecdotes or advice in the area of the trilogy. Imagine my surprise when I picked up the latest edition of my wife’s subscription to the magazine Real Simple (June 2005) and discovered an article on “Disagreeing, Agreeably”, by Eric Messinger.

The article stresses the importance of communicating clearly with those involved in the contested issue and of trying to focus on the overall nature of the relationship in question and of your overall goals vis-à-vis that relationship before doing anything that may be counterproductive for the relationship. These ideas parallel what you’ll hear from us.

Here are Messinger’s ten rules for “Fighting Fair”:

1. Pick your battles.

2. Understand the stakes.

3. Wait until you’re calm.

4. Be respectful.

5. Speak for yourself.

6. Don’t interrogate.

7. State the facts.

8. Speak to common interests.

9. Aim to clear the air rather than win.

10. Consider compromise.

Another interesting feature of the article is a series of scenarios about who disagreements might be with, and how the who might influence the things you’ll want to keep at the forefront as you decide what to do. The scenarios include disagreements with your boss, your coworkers, your spouse or significant other, your teenagers, your parents, your siblings, your best friend, and your neighbors. There are some good tips to help you put the disagreement in each scenario in the proper framework. With your coworkers, for example, Messinger says to remember that success in any endeavor usually involves teamwork, so using tactics that will alienate someone whose support you’ll need in the future may lead to a Pyrrhic victory—you prevail in the argument but lose in the longer term.

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